If only I knew your love would be unkind, My unwary heart wouldn’t break in pieces. But your closeness always rendered me blind, With each step my tragedy increases.
You punish me for one foolish mistake, This merciless disdain cuts like a knife. How it burns to watch you easily forsake All my love, my years, my wasted life.
The train is leaving, taking me from here. With every traveled mile, my chains loosen more, Our three-act play is finally over, dear.
I woke up this morning, first time without a fear, Without a prospect to be called a whore, With this knowledge I will not disappear.
This sonnet is another first for me. Inspired by dVerse, I spent last hour reading about sonnets, strict rhyme schemes, octave, sestet, volta, iambic pentameter… These prompts really push me to seek new knowledge and to explore poetry in a sense I never did before. You think it’s all about translating emotions into verses, but then you discover a world of complicated forms and styles that still demand emotion at the central stage. It is a very challenging balance act and I can’t believe I enjoy it this much.
That was beautiful and heart touching. I was surprised that there are so many different forms of poetry – many so complicated. I thought poetry was putting feelings to words to rhymes. I suppose that will always be poetry to me.
I thought the same, but I discovered a whole new world and there is so much more to learn. And I feel like a child again, ready to set of on another adventure.
what a relief there in the end..i am sad that many have to live in the fear of one little mistake sending their spouse or significant other into such a rage…and the abuse…its stomach turning to think about…but i am glad for those that find such freedom…and can awake in peace…
this touches my heart…. I think of everyone–men and women–in abusive relationships… and it’s sad just how many think so low of themselves that they stay in such conditions; I don’t blame them, per say, I look at what they have seen/felt in their pasts. I am glad the person realized their worth in the end.
I am so happy that although I concentrated so hard on the form of this poem, the story came through and the emotions are so well received. Thank you so much!
I am re-awkening to to the different forms of poetry. Isn’t like a whole new box of toys to go through and new books to explore and paints to use? I was so glad at the resolution of this poem. You did a most excellent job and gave us a good story as well.
Well, I am glad she left on the train. It truly sounds like the best alternative. I am sure more and more she will enjoy waking up without fear. Well done. You really achieved the use of a volta, I think.
Excellent sonnet. The tone and language appropriate throughout; nothing feels forced; the tenet of the poem well set and the volta falls in the last sextet and strengthened in the last 3 lines. Beautiful poem, expertly written, I would say you conquered this form and wasn’t it fun? These get easier the more you write, and you start to look forward to writing them. It still surprises me
It surprised me how much I enjoyed this. I think we don’t really think of ourselves as capable to produce something like that, but that’s mostly because we never tried it before. So, once you successfully do it, it feels as a great accomplishment. Thank you for your constructive comment, much appreciated.
Oh to break free and feel those chains unshackle – yes when you start to master all those techniques you will see all how you use the tools in all your other poetry. Sonnets are fun to write – and yours is such a great beginning…
Thank you, Björn. It was interesting to see how the poem resolved itself, as I was moving along. I was concentrating on the form and the story just evolved.
First attempt? Excellent effort – I too was suprised by how much I enjoyed sonnets (although I haven’t had time for one for this prompt). Ironic really that you use a fixed form to describe an escape from the shackles…
I always try to do that. I visit every link and read it. Sometimes I comment, sometimes I just leave a like. But, I usually do it over the weekend, when I can enjoy it without rushing. I am sorry if you think I do not appreciate other participants.
I think it is polite to reply to every comment left on my blog. I visit and comment on over 100 blogs every week. It is time consuming, so I take the liberty to visit others on my own schedule. Thank you for your concern, it warms my heart to know someone is watching over me.
no sweat. its the community that i look out for — or have, but hey, after this week,
its out of my hands — and no one will have to worry about me again.
I am really just learning different forms of poetry, so certainly I cannot judge on forms. But, from just a readers standpoint – beautiful and full of emotion. Well done!
This is beautiful and evokes such emotion! It reminded me of a relationship I recently watched go wrong in very much this way and I am thankful I’m mom to the one who “will not disappear.” Peace, Linda
You have built your poem in such an efficient manner that we too feel relieved at the end. Sadly too many stay trapped in these unhealthy relationships.
The tense struggle of an ending relationship can make one feel like they’re drowning. It’s amazing how freeing that first breath apart from an estranged former lover can be. Your turn in the last two lines really pops.
Snow's Fissures and Fractures 
That was beautiful and heart touching. I was surprised that there are so many different forms of poetry – many so complicated. I thought poetry was putting feelings to words to rhymes. I suppose that will always be poetry to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought the same, but I discovered a whole new world and there is so much more to learn. And I feel like a child again, ready to set of on another adventure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good for you! Maybe you could get in on the Poetry class they are giving right now. I know they have touched on a few things about poetry compostion.
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what a relief there in the end..i am sad that many have to live in the fear of one little mistake sending their spouse or significant other into such a rage…and the abuse…its stomach turning to think about…but i am glad for those that find such freedom…and can awake in peace…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, to awake with lightness in our hearts and smiles on our faces…we all deserve that.
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this touches my heart…. I think of everyone–men and women–in abusive relationships… and it’s sad just how many think so low of themselves that they stay in such conditions; I don’t blame them, per say, I look at what they have seen/felt in their pasts. I am glad the person realized their worth in the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so happy that although I concentrated so hard on the form of this poem, the story came through and the emotions are so well received. Thank you so much!
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I am re-awkening to to the different forms of poetry. Isn’t like a whole new box of toys to go through and new books to explore and paints to use? I was so glad at the resolution of this poem. You did a most excellent job and gave us a good story as well.
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Oh, I couldn’t agree more. It is so liberating to step outside and open yourself to new knowledge. Thank you, you are very kind.
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Yes. This was scary for me because I haven’t done this sort of poem before, but it was also fun and as you say, liberating.
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I’ll be sure to visit your blog, as soon as my weekend starts. 🙂
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Please do! It’s a mishmash of musings, recipes, poetry. But we all have fun.
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Sometimes you just have to walk away. I felt this deeply. Very well done.
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Sometimes it’s hard to find enough courage, but you just have to keep looking. Thank you.
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Well, I am glad she left on the train. It truly sounds like the best alternative. I am sure more and more she will enjoy waking up without fear. Well done. You really achieved the use of a volta, I think.
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Thank you, it was challenging, but fun.
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Excellent sonnet. The tone and language appropriate throughout; nothing feels forced; the tenet of the poem well set and the volta falls in the last sextet and strengthened in the last 3 lines. Beautiful poem, expertly written, I would say you conquered this form and wasn’t it fun? These get easier the more you write, and you start to look forward to writing them. It still surprises me
LikeLiked by 1 person
It surprised me how much I enjoyed this. I think we don’t really think of ourselves as capable to produce something like that, but that’s mostly because we never tried it before. So, once you successfully do it, it feels as a great accomplishment. Thank you for your constructive comment, much appreciated.
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that was def. a wise descision to get into that train and leave behind what chained her so long…
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A true victor, to leave all that behind. Thank you.
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Oh to break free and feel those chains unshackle – yes when you start to master all those techniques you will see all how you use the tools in all your other poetry. Sonnets are fun to write – and yours is such a great beginning…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Björn. It was interesting to see how the poem resolved itself, as I was moving along. I was concentrating on the form and the story just evolved.
LikeLike
First attempt? Excellent effort – I too was suprised by how much I enjoyed sonnets (although I haven’t had time for one for this prompt). Ironic really that you use a fixed form to describe an escape from the shackles…
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Yes, quite ironic. We are imprisoned with more shackles than we even realize. Thank you!
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perhaps today you will find the time to return comment on the poems of those that took the time to read yours…
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I always try to do that. I visit every link and read it. Sometimes I comment, sometimes I just leave a like. But, I usually do it over the weekend, when I can enjoy it without rushing. I am sorry if you think I do not appreciate other participants.
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cool. will look for you over the weekend…its just comes off as odd that you have time to reply to every comment on your blog…but not on others….
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I think it is polite to reply to every comment left on my blog. I visit and comment on over 100 blogs every week. It is time consuming, so I take the liberty to visit others on my own schedule. Thank you for your concern, it warms my heart to know someone is watching over me.
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no sweat. its the community that i look out for — or have, but hey, after this week,
its out of my hands — and no one will have to worry about me again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am really just learning different forms of poetry, so certainly I cannot judge on forms. But, from just a readers standpoint – beautiful and full of emotion. Well done!
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Thank you, it is all new to me, too.
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This is beautiful and evokes such emotion! It reminded me of a relationship I recently watched go wrong in very much this way and I am thankful I’m mom to the one who “will not disappear.” Peace, Linda
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Oh, that is so touching. I am sure she is happy to have you in her corner. Thank you so much, Linda.
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It’s actually my son, and he is very happy to have me in his corner and tells me so.
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See how we jump to conclusions easily. Like men can’t be mistreated by women. Or any other way. I apologize for that.
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No worries. 🙂
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I think you mastered the balancing act excellently! A great marriage of form and emotion.
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Thank you, it was nice to try something new.
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I agree with you about the balancing act. The forms are challenging, but that is also what makes them fun. You did a great job with this. Thank you.
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Thank you, much appreciated.
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You have built your poem in such an efficient manner that we too feel relieved at the end. Sadly too many stay trapped in these unhealthy relationships.
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So true, but too many times it is just too hard to start anew.
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Fascinating — sorrow and hope of escape
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Thank you, Sabio.
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The tense struggle of an ending relationship can make one feel like they’re drowning. It’s amazing how freeing that first breath apart from an estranged former lover can be. Your turn in the last two lines really pops.
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Thank you so much. The first step is always the hardest, but after that you just keep running.
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You have found a wonderful way to express yourself!!! and you do it beautifully and poignantly!!
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I can’t even start to describe how I appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much.
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you are so welcome!!! It’s wonderful how the spirit soars when we realize the cage door is open!!! 🙂
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