Better Days Ahead

Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wissof-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….

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 Copyright – Björn Rudberg

One of these days the house will fold in on itself. I wish my memories could do the same.
You sang “Hey there, baby, we’ll be fine” and I believed you. With every cut of the knife my belief faltered a little. But you held me close and kissed my ache away.
You said “Look forward to better days ahead” and I tried. But then we lost the battle and I am left with the ashes of your body and our life.
One of these days the house will fold in on itself. I wish it would fold in on me.

It seems I can’t get out of this hole full of sad stories. This week 100 words was just too short to express what I wanted, so for those that need a clarification “With every cut of the knife” is about ongoing operations on a cancer patient.
And I must admit I stole two lines from the song. I’ve been listening to it for days, ever since I watched “The Killing” finale. It happens to me so often, I hear a song and I listen to it until it makes me sick. So, I just had to share it with all of you, it’s such a great song.

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66 thoughts on “Better Days Ahead

  1. Lore,

    It was good that you explained that part with the knife – I too was getting a bit confused. I felt a poetic rhythm in your story this week – nice stuff !

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  2. I had to read your story twice for it to all come together, but I did see the knife as cutting out cancer. When the narrator held the ashes I realised it must have been the lover’s cancer and not the narrator’s. I really love stories that open up after they make me think about them, and yours did that in a very satisfying way. So many things to love about this story – the circular movement, the ill but upbeat lover keeping it all together for them (heartbreaking to read), the house folding in on itself like memories. Brilliant story!

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  3. WritingInBoots says:

    I do so hope there are better days ahead.
    The precision of this one is magnificent. Very well crafted story.

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  4. I, too, was headed toward writing a sad story and pushed myself to break free. With that said, I love reading stories with raw emotion. It was beautifully told. And now the healing…so easy to say, so hard to do.

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  5. even if you didn’t explain it, i would’ve liked it still. i felt the struggle and the desperation and i liked the repetition of lines. well done 🙂

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  6. How curious! I, too, had the word “fold” in my story, “Fold, Unfold,” and the word “fold” recurs in it.

    Really liked your story and the mood it created — the heartbreak and suppressed anger of the survivor.

    Beautifully narrated.

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  7. Lore, I was a little confused about the meaning. After I read the comments I wondered why I didn’t catch the meaning at first. Well written story with good expression of sadness. Well done. 🙂 —Susan

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  8. You didn’t need the explanation … I got that it was about surgery and probably cancer. It was an interesting take on the prompt as the house is cut out of a mountainside. It’s a foreign body in the mountainside. Difficult to get to. Difficult to demolish. Your character wishes it would fold in on itself. She has folded in on herself. She wished that the cancer would fold in on itself. A convincing metaphor for a cancer. Well done. 🙂

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  9. Dear Snow, I really did understand what you meant – at least that was my first thought. With the loss and the ashes – I figured it was cancer and he had an amputation. My goodness – this was good Snow! Thanks, Nan 🙂

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  10. Intriguing take and the idea of the sick patient comforting the physically healthy partner was interesting. Which brings into play the impact such illness can have on the mind of those who have it and their families. Nicely done.

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    • Unfortunatelly, I know what impact such illness has on the entire family. I wanted to show that cancer patients are not the victims, but fighters…and often they are the ones that provide strenght for others.
      Thank you for you observation and your kind words.

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  11. Dear Lore,

    I don’t think you should belabor yourself about not being able to get out of the hole full of sad stories. What you should worry about is writing bad stories, though I’m thinking you don’t have to worry about that either. Thanks for adding your imaginative take to the prompt and your great stories to FF.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    • I learned a new word today – belabor. So, thank you for that. And thank you for all the nice words you sent my way, I trully appreciate it. This journey of writing and photography I started few months ago is turning out to be more fun than I hoped it would be.

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  12. I especially liked the opening and closing lines here, and how you managed to make the house a metaphor for the sense of desolation in the character’s life – there was a real ache to it.

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  13. Personally I needed no explanation for the cutting. But considering that is still a very recent reality for me it is no wonder. This is a terrific tale. I too would hope to be swallowed up by the house.

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