How To Survive Alien Invasion


1.) Every invasion starts with the recon mission. They are already here. Look around. It’s not your new weird neighbour. It is probably that old lady from the first floor that is feeding you those nice cupcakes. If you ate the cupcakes…so long sucker. If you resisted, go to step two.


2.) Whatever you do, don’t let the old lady know that you know. Because if she knows that you know then they’ll know and all is lost. If she still doesn’t know that you know, move to step three.

Cartoon old lady with handbag

3.) Do not use tin foil hats. I repeat – do not use tin foil hats. It is a less know fact that the firm “Dr. Lauber, Neher & Cie., Emmishofen.” was founded in 1886. by those pesky little bug-sized aliens from Garadian Prime. Tin foil hats do not prevent the mind reading. Garadians just love how silly we look wearing them.


4.) Don’t waste your time and money on a secret hideout full of cans of beans. If they don’t catch you the first day, your farts will probably be a dead give away. Maybe they don’t have a sense of smell or maybe they are deaf. But it can’t be both. No one is that lucky.


5.) If you see a strange hole in the middle of your street, do not go there to check it out. Run. The opposite direction. Preferably not in a streight line on the open field. At least make it a little bit harder for them to evaporate you.


6.) Do not take a selfie while trying to escape the aliens.


7.) Keep calm.  Don’t panic. It would be very helpful if you had loved ones conveniently living few thousand miles away. At least that’s how it is in Hollywood Alien Invasions. Go. Save them.


8.) If you come face to face with an actual alien, cough and sneeze in their direction. Then chill out and watch the impending chaos. So long suckers.


9.) You survived the old lady and the first grounders. Now you need to dispose of their mother ship. Piece of cake. You just need to upload the computer virus into their main frame. How, you ask? How would I know that? Watch “Independence Day”. Research people, research.

independence-day-will-smith-jeff-goldblumAll the above images were “borrowed” without any permission. If anyone wants to sue me, I must disappoint you. Penniless aspiring writer over here, with no valuable possessions.

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