Chasing Pavements

Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….

ce-grate

 Copyright – C.E. Ayr

“Come here, my sweetest doll.”

His words echoed in her head…or was it just an echo of his fist connecting with her face?

The silver of the dress faded under the overcast sky, the soft material ripped in places, marred with drops of blood from her broken nose. The pain from broken ribs caused her to cry out with every breath.

Cornered in the dark alley, Cinderella watched Prince Charming standing over a sparkly object, which brought her to his arms months ago. Carefully cradling the glass slipper, he smiled.

“You silly, silly girl. Still believe in the happily ever after?”

75 thoughts on “Chasing Pavements”

  7. I love this gruesome twist on the old fairy tale, puts it all in a different light.
    C- this is minor, and probably only because of the limited number of words issue, but in the last para is he standing over the shoe and then suddenly cradling it, without us seeing him pick it up. It just seemed like a big jump for me.

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  10. paulmclem says:

    Liked the switch from what we assumed was a modern day domestic abuse story into a twisted fairy tale. Nice. C – Very minor and it might just be me…”Blood drops” jarred slightly. Think I’m perhaps used to “drops of blood”. Thanks for sharing, see you next week.

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  14. This really rang true as to what happens in family violence cases. A sad twist on the familiar tale but as we get older probably few of us believe in happy endings.
    C – This worked for me and I haven’t any suggestions for improvement. I think why it worked so well for me was the first line followed by the biff to the nose. That is such a truism that I believed every word after that.

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  17. Chilling, chilling tale. Sadly, too true for those women in abusive relationships. The idea of equating it with the Princess / Prince Charming ‘happily ever after” fairy tale so many young girls read….or have read to them in this Disney world we live in…realy adds to the story.
    On the C side: … and just a suggestion because, as you can see from above, I am quite taken with the tale. Might you consider changing the word “marred” to “spattered?” I think of a blood spatter as more violent — the fist in the nose and the blood spatter on her dress? On the other hand, “marred” is an excellent word for what happens to her fairy tale dream.
    Excellent tale.

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  25. I enjoyed your darker perspective on the Cinderella story. The “Happily Ever After” myth is once again debunked. The story had an emotional and gritty feel with a subtle denouement. Nicely crafted.

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  26. gahlearner says:

    It made me ‘ouch’ in a good way. I also loved the bad Prince Charming in Shrek. Your ‘Charming’ is scary and brings out emotions. That is good writing. I don’t have anything else C-wise to add. I love retelling of fairy tales, too.

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  32. I just watched a documentary on domestic violence last night, and your story captures perfectly the reality of how such relationships progress. The women spoke of how they were charmed by their partners’ smooth talk, or gifts, and I was amazed by how so many of these men were able to talk their way back after each violent outburst. I really like your version of this tale.

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