Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….
Copyright – J Hardy Carroll
“I never met anyone who wears their battle scars with more pride.” He looks at my exposed back.
Adjusting the straps on my dress, I turn around and study his weathered face. “My darling, it is not pride that makes me do this. The graves are easily overlooked.”
Leading me to the dance floor, he leans and whispers: “Judging by their faces, you made your point, Colonel.”
We dance and twirl, carelessly exposed to the world. Because the deepest scars are hidden in our souls, only to be shown in the solitude, accompanied by the silence of the drums.
‘Tis true. The deepest scars are the ones that can’t be seen. I liked the slow reveal that she’s a Colonel. That last paragraph gave me chills. C – I simply don’t have a criticisms for this. I think you wrote it beautifully.
This was a powerful piece of writing Loré. I loved the line “The graves are easily overlooked.”
c – Second line needs a capital to start. In my opinion it would be more powerful if you didn’t tell us he “marvels” Something simple like looked or stared may work better.
Also in the first line it probably should be wears rather than wore.
I tried to change it to wears and somehow it doesn’t sound right to me. I am curious to know if it is grammatically incorrect to use “wore”. Would appreciate your feedback.
I think it is grammatically incorrect as wore indicates that in the past they wore it but no longer do. As she still has the scars I think she wears them. Perhaps one of your other commenters will confirm that as I am no grammar expert.
We are left with scars indeed and sometimes those scars become the impetus to important work beyond them. Your last paragraph blew me away and made me want to know more about the Colonel.
I loved the song.
It’s beautifully written, well said, and a great point about how easily we forget those who died.
But if you want to get rid wears, maybe use display.“I never met anyone who displays their battle scars with more pride.”
Wears to me, although displays and wears are interchangeable, wears – to me means it can be taken off, or put on. Scar can’t. May just be me though.
I’ve learned to listen to your music after the story, or occasionally before… but I enjoy both so much, I can’t do it together–– I want to savor each word, and listen undistracted. Both are fabulous this week, Loré! Very moving and real.
Snow's Fissures and Fractures 
Dear Loré,
The deepest scars are always the emotional ones that no one can see with the naked eye. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you, Rochelle.
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Nicely done
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Thank you.
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Very poignant story and I love the track. I’d not heard of Irena Zilic before. I’m off to the iTunes store!
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That makes me very happy! She is from Croatia, immensely talented.
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Public perception, media view and inner turmoil: how to ratify?
Clever words.
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Much appreciated.
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Movingly done Lore. Good job.
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Thank you, Sandra. Glad you liked it.
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Well done. Some wise observation here.
And thanks for the soundtrack.
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Thank you, Patrick. I am very happy you like the music.
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‘Tis true. The deepest scars are the ones that can’t be seen. I liked the slow reveal that she’s a Colonel. That last paragraph gave me chills. C – I simply don’t have a criticisms for this. I think you wrote it beautifully.
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Oh my, what a great comment. Thank you.
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This makes me feel sad – I love it. “The silence of the drums” is so moving – speaks volumes.
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Thank you, much appreciated.
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Hidden scars are indeed where the most damage lies.
Great job Snow.
Tracey
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Thank you so much, Tracey!
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Beautiful!
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Tnx, Dawn! 🙂
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Extremely powerful last line!
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So glad you liked it.
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‘Tis what we cannot see that is the most painful. Beautifully written, Loré.
Love the video too!
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Than you, Dale. Very kind of you.
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I appreciate how you made the person with the obvious physical scars a woman. I think we tend to forget female battle scars. Well done.
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I try to find some kind of balance in this crazy world. Thank you, Alicia!
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This was a powerful piece of writing Loré. I loved the line “The graves are easily overlooked.”
c – Second line needs a capital to start. In my opinion it would be more powerful if you didn’t tell us he “marvels” Something simple like looked or stared may work better.
Also in the first line it probably should be wears rather than wore.
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Thank you so much, Irene. Very helpful comments, I appreciate your input. 🙂
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You’re welcome.
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I tried to change it to wears and somehow it doesn’t sound right to me. I am curious to know if it is grammatically incorrect to use “wore”. Would appreciate your feedback.
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I think it is grammatically incorrect as wore indicates that in the past they wore it but no longer do. As she still has the scars I think she wears them. Perhaps one of your other commenters will confirm that as I am no grammar expert.
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Again, thank you! 🙂
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Agree with Irene…”marvels” sounds a little bit clunky. Seems out of place with the rest of the piece.
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Great story, and a good point about the biggest scars being internal.
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Thank you!
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Another kind of bravery, to display the physical scars openly. ps – Wear the scars, not ware?
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I was rushing to change it from wore to ware, didn’t even noticed. 😀 Thank you!
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Great piece, written really well 🙂
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Thank you, Helen. Very kind words.
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We are left with scars indeed and sometimes those scars become the impetus to important work beyond them. Your last paragraph blew me away and made me want to know more about the Colonel.
I loved the song.
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Thank you, Joseph. Very kind words, indeed.
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It’s beautifully written, well said, and a great point about how easily we forget those who died.
But if you want to get rid wears, maybe use display.“I never met anyone who displays their battle scars with more pride.”
Wears to me, although displays and wears are interchangeable, wears – to me means it can be taken off, or put on. Scar can’t. May just be me though.
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Thank you, I really like your suggestion.
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Sombre and touching. Masterfully written.
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Wow, what a compliment. Thank you.
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I’ve learned to listen to your music after the story, or occasionally before… but I enjoy both so much, I can’t do it together–– I want to savor each word, and listen undistracted. Both are fabulous this week, Loré! Very moving and real.
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Oh, Dawn. You are so kind, please don’t stop. 😀 Thank you!
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I love your last line. It’s beautiful. Nice piece.
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Thank you, Amy.
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Really moving and effective story, Lore. Great symbolism and use of music. Well done. — Suzanne
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Thank you, Suzanne!
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“Silence of the drums” I liked that. And the rest of the story too, beautifully written.
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Thank you, much appreciated!
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Thanks. Just checked the song—love the spirit! 🙂
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Thank you.
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