When All Is Said

Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….

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 Copyright –   Dee Lovering

Soft footprints on a fresh blanket of snow show me the unfamiliar direction you came from.
“Listen…”
Snowflakes distract me from your once irresistible face.
“This thing…you and me…it’s not working.”
Strange…never before have I seen balloons covered with snow. They look tragically comical. Just like you and me.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
How welcoming this cold feels, piercing my body like a thousand needles.
“Do you even hear me? Have you ever heard anything I said?”
Surrounded by silence, I watch your retreating form.
The fire burns inside me again…I am free.

63 thoughts on “When All Is Said”

  1. MrBinks says:

    This reads so tragically. So one sided. So… cold. Well done.

    (Hate to be *that* guy, but you may want to change your here/hear in the last line of dialogue.)

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  13. I read this one twice. Read all the comments, too. I’m still not sure about what is happening…and maybe that’s good. The way I see it, the protagonist could be saying the dialog in italics (most people’s interpretation) or she could be thinking the dialog but not saying it. Maybe even he could be saying it. Why am I not seeing this as clearly as everyone else is?

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    • I usually write my stories leaving multiple possibilities, so my readers can interpret them in as many different ways they want. Here, my version is: one is talking, the other is thinking. But, whatever your way is, I am ok with it. It is a reward in itself that you read it twice and thought abut it afterwards. Thank you so much.

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  17. Great story. I loved the “tragic” “you and me/balloons”.
    It’s quite sad, though the narrator seems okay with the situation, freed from a relationship which has run its course. I remember that “cold” feeling inside from similar situations 🙂

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  22. gahlearner says:

    I admire how you set the mood here. It’s dreamlike, almost paralyzed and passive from her point of view while he, active, seems to have experienced this ‘talking to a wall’ before.

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  29. There’s a quote that goes, “When all is said and done, MORE is SAID than done.” Those words don’t apply in this situation. Very little was said, and the relationship was done. I’m sure the other party saw it coming too. There’s was no need for a response.

    Extremely well written. I love the acknowledgment of Freedom at the end. Perfect touch.

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  30. I love that she is free!! and I agree with rgayer! Not much said but effectively expressed!! I love the snow covered balloons ( now set free!)
    PS: Have been finding it hard to keep up this last while – a very busy month!! So glad to have read this one!

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