Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….
Copyright – Dee Lovering
Copyright – Dee Lovering
This reads so tragically. So one sided. So… cold. Well done.
(Hate to be *that* guy, but you may want to change your here/hear in the last line of dialogue.)
LikeLike
I don’t hate you! I can’t believe it happened again, after I went multiple times over it. Thank you!!! Glad you liked it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course I liked it! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just love the way you’ve created a dialogue that’s not a dialogue. Excellent piece.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, it is much appreciated.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As cold as the snow, but then again, sometimes, one does need to be so. Well written.
Leo @ I Rhyme Without Reason
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLike
Interesting exposé of the end of a relationship, as seen by both sides.
Very clever, and well created.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, that is very kind of you.
LikeLike
Dear Loré,
A breakdown of communication well told.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Rochelle.
LikeLike
Silence speaks so many things – pity people who fail to hear it!
I was imagining a melancholic tune in the background – nice work Loré.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much.
LikeLike
What can I say that hasn’t already been stated by others and quite aptly? Loved your telling of love lost and the music too. ~ L
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Lynda.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love a survivor story. Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That means a lot, Sandra. Thank you.
LikeLike
Can always rely on something a bit different here. Thanks for that 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, that is so nice to know. Thank you.
LikeLike
Well crafted story with the one-sided dialogue and the analogy to snow/cold.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, happy you liked it.
LikeLike
The contrasts are brilliant.. Fab writing
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, that is one brilliant comment. Thank you. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lore,
Sometimes the end brings a welcome relief when it finally comes. You communicate this well here.
All my best,
MG
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I appreciate your words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read this one twice. Read all the comments, too. I’m still not sure about what is happening…and maybe that’s good. The way I see it, the protagonist could be saying the dialog in italics (most people’s interpretation) or she could be thinking the dialog but not saying it. Maybe even he could be saying it. Why am I not seeing this as clearly as everyone else is?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I usually write my stories leaving multiple possibilities, so my readers can interpret them in as many different ways they want. Here, my version is: one is talking, the other is thinking. But, whatever your way is, I am ok with it. It is a reward in itself that you read it twice and thought abut it afterwards. Thank you so much.
LikeLike
The perfect gift indeed. Well wriiten Snow.
Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Tracey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My typos run amoke *well written
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps “when all is said” – one is free. Nicely done on the dialogues.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps that is the way of words. Thank you, Norma.
LikeLike
Great story. I loved the “tragic” “you and me/balloons”.
It’s quite sad, though the narrator seems okay with the situation, freed from a relationship which has run its course. I remember that “cold” feeling inside from similar situations 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. I agree, it is so sad when there is nothing left to be said.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes you don’t know you want that freedom until it is forced upon you. Well written.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Sally.
LikeLike
I guess that’s a satisfactory ending – isn’t it?
Rosey Pinkerton’s blog
LikeLiked by 1 person
Depends on different points of view. 😉
LikeLike
A lovely read!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
How often do relationships end this way? One happy (relieved, uncaring) the other had the gumption to do the dirty deed…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed, it happens most of the time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I admire how you set the mood here. It’s dreamlike, almost paralyzed and passive from her point of view while he, active, seems to have experienced this ‘talking to a wall’ before.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, that was what I imagined. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is beautiful
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are so kind, thank you!
LikeLike
Really liked the snow on balloons metaphor. Breaking up seems the right thing (always hard to do…).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, it was a nice metaphor to use.
LikeLike
A good story of when love grows cold. Passion is a fire, not an snow storm.
I loved the look of snow on the balloons, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, very kind words.
LikeLike
Nice turn. Well written story.
DJ
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kind words, much appreciated.
LikeLike
You show the end of this relationship with sensitivity, and economy. Well told.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Margaret.
LikeLike
Some fabulous imagery in this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
There’s a quote that goes, “When all is said and done, MORE is SAID than done.” Those words don’t apply in this situation. Very little was said, and the relationship was done. I’m sure the other party saw it coming too. There’s was no need for a response.
Extremely well written. I love the acknowledgment of Freedom at the end. Perfect touch.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, very kind words. You managed to sum up all that I left floating around.
LikeLike
I love that she is free!! and I agree with rgayer! Not much said but effectively expressed!! I love the snow covered balloons ( now set free!)
PS: Have been finding it hard to keep up this last while – a very busy month!! So glad to have read this one!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I went to sleep before I saw your comment last night. Thank you so much, it means the world every time you visit me. I know how hard it can be to keep up, so don’t feel bad about it. Enjoy life. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
you are so welcome and thank you Lore!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like this breakup is a relief to her, so a happy ending in a way. Good diaglogue and a good story. Well done, Lore. 🙂 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you liked it, Suzanne. Thank you!
LikeLike