Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wissof-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….
Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy
I know my thrashing excites you, makes you want me more. Your sweet voice sings a poisonous lullaby and I am paralyzed.
every breath you take
every move you make
every step you take
I’ll be devouring you
What a stupid mistake, leaving me stuck in this perfectly designed hell, watching you watching me. You’ve entangled me in your web of lies, my desperation making your grip ever stronger.
oh can’t you see
you belong to me
these bonds you’ll never break
no matter how many steps you take
Kill me. Release me. One way or another, I am dead.
Special “Thank you” to Marie Gail for helping me take a peek outside my little box.
Oh I Love this.. the subtle changes to the lyrics make this such a menacing story of a relationship that way too many suffer in.. (if taken as a metaphor) .. or a chilling tale of beasts of course.
The fact that you love this means so much, so thank you for that. I was actually writing about the beasts, but once again it works as a metaphor for human behavior. I really hope Rochelle posts a happy photo soon, I am actually a very funny person in RL. 😀
Hahaha, not a fan of the song either. It was playing on a radio when I saw this week’s photo…one thing led to another, it was out of my control. 😀
Glad you liked this little mess, thank you.
Well, nothing spectacular. She commented on my poem from the last week, about the style, capital letters and approaching writing more liberally. Her comment helped me to try and step away from my usual form.
Lore,
Interesting reflections on a theme. I’ve always loved the Police song that you weave through this prose poem. Your thoughts mirror the disturbing yet fascinating undertones.
All my best,
Marie Gail
I did not once see beast, but humans caught in the tangled webs of relationships they weave. I love this tale you’ve told and think that the incorporation of the song and the changes to the lyrics was excellent. If you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone or norm, it doesn’t show. Keep it up. Wander far afield. You’re good at it.
Thank you, Doug. I don’t know if I have a comfort zone, because the language of the story is not far removed from my usual stuff. It’s more about the form, the layout, I enjoyed delivering something visually different. But I do intend to wander, thank you for the encouragement.
Such a vicious interchange. The destructiveness of this relationship is clear – and if they’re not people but just bugs, it’s almost as sinister. Very compelling writing.
I started to write about the bugs, but I guess I just can’t run away from my study of human relationships. Thank you, Margaret…for this and every stop you make to check out my work.
I struggled to picture this properly in my head, mainly because as soon as I hit that first bit of verse, I couldn’t get the song out of my head. I suspect this will now circulate in my head all day now!
Snow's Fissures and Fractures 
Loved it. Quite sad in its own way, even if I can’t stand either aggressor. Well done.
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Thank you, Sandra. This is one gruesome, but inspiring photo.
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Oh I Love this.. the subtle changes to the lyrics make this such a menacing story of a relationship that way too many suffer in.. (if taken as a metaphor) .. or a chilling tale of beasts of course.
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The fact that you love this means so much, so thank you for that. I was actually writing about the beasts, but once again it works as a metaphor for human behavior. I really hope Rochelle posts a happy photo soon, I am actually a very funny person in RL. 😀
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Intriguing tale with very clever double meaning.
And you certainly improved Gordon’s rather wishy washy lyrics.
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Hahaha, not a fan of the song either. It was playing on a radio when I saw this week’s photo…one thing led to another, it was out of my control. 😀
Glad you liked this little mess, thank you.
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Here’s a broken relationship that isn’t going to be fixed. That song is going to worry me from now on.
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Hah, sorry about the song.
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I know how this feels or at least I can imagine it from the tale you have spun but do tell how did MG influence you?
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Well, nothing spectacular. She commented on my poem from the last week, about the style, capital letters and approaching writing more liberally. Her comment helped me to try and step away from my usual form.
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Great take on the prompt. Very, very well done. I remember The Police singing this and loving the song. Should my face be red?
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No, I loved it too. 😀 Very happy you liked it, thank you.
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Indeed I did.
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Lore,
Interesting reflections on a theme. I’ve always loved the Police song that you weave through this prose poem. Your thoughts mirror the disturbing yet fascinating undertones.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thank you, much appreciated.
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Creepy poem, creepy picture and a very creepy song. Loved this, was an excellent take on the prompt.
Cheers
KT
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Creepiness all over, I like that. Thank you. 🙂
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Nicely done; poetic. Did you mean ‘thrashing’ rather than ‘trashing’ in the first line?
Claire
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Oh, how ever did I miss that? Thank you for that correction. And for your kind words.
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Dear Lore,
I did not once see beast, but humans caught in the tangled webs of relationships they weave. I love this tale you’ve told and think that the incorporation of the song and the changes to the lyrics was excellent. If you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone or norm, it doesn’t show. Keep it up. Wander far afield. You’re good at it.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thank you, Doug. I don’t know if I have a comfort zone, because the language of the story is not far removed from my usual stuff. It’s more about the form, the layout, I enjoyed delivering something visually different. But I do intend to wander, thank you for the encouragement.
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Great story, very clever. That’s a creepy song anyway and you’ve succeeded in making it even creepier!
Quite a dark tale.
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Thank you, it was an interesting web to spin.
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Loved it! Also loved the way you used words of songs to indicate “human feelings”.
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I am so happy with all the feedback I got for this piece, thank you so much.
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love the comparison and change to the song!! Sighs, what webs we weave!!
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Thank you, Cybele. We are strange beasts, that is all I have to say.
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Dear Lore, How often we see this kind of a tangled relationship – yet how poetically you have captured it.. amazing !
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Thank you so much, it means a lot to read such wonderful words, it is an ecouragement to thread further.
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Such a vicious interchange. The destructiveness of this relationship is clear – and if they’re not people but just bugs, it’s almost as sinister. Very compelling writing.
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I started to write about the bugs, but I guess I just can’t run away from my study of human relationships. Thank you, Margaret…for this and every stop you make to check out my work.
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Subtle and cruel – very good. I shall return and listen to the lyrics when my OH isn’t asleep to be disturbed!
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Thank you, Liz. It is interesting how in original version by The Police feels like a love song, though in this version there is a sinister note.
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Powerful writing Loré. Really good use of the lyrics and the prompt, to take us into a twisted relationship. Really great!
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Thank you, it was a combination of prompts – this photo and that song playing on the radio. Mysterious ways and all that…
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I struggled to picture this properly in my head, mainly because as soon as I hit that first bit of verse, I couldn’t get the song out of my head. I suspect this will now circulate in my head all day now!
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I am sorry. 😛 I hate it when that happens to me.
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Emotional! Tense! Yes!!!! You dug in, Lore, and pulled out the gold. Tee-riff!
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Oh, strong words. Thank you, much appreciated.
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