Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wissof-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….
Copyright – Sandra Crook
Come to me run to me My long-lost child I can still warm my bones Remembering the way you smiled
This year we’ll have The most beautiful tree In the middle of the woods My imaginary you and me
I found some lovely trinkets Down by the Crimson creek We can fix and hang them On a Christmas tree next week
We’ll sing and dance Later I’ll watch you sleep The memory will fade away But nobody will see me weep
Lost and forgotten Invisible one more year I’ll wait for death to visit Heavy with regrets but with no fear
A sad story, Lore. Beautiful writing, especially “My imaginary you and me,” and the image of the trinkets (I see the rubbish in the photo) hanging on the tree. I really like this one.
I knew there would be so many murderous or environmental stories, so I looked hard. Once I saw that garbage, I imagined a Christmas tree decorated with it and it all went from there.
Thank you, It means a lot that you caught it all.
I never liked poetry, but I don’t know what happened this year. I wrote so many poems and am still surprised by things I managed to express.
Thank you so much, Doug. I am glad that you and many others managed to see the story in few short verses.
Lore,
This is a sad but sweet poem. Nicely done. I find that formatting poetry here on WordPress can be challenging. For the most part, I like the way this one appears. I would recommend staying away from the old-fashioned form of capitalizing the first letter of every line and stick to standard capitalization instead. Standard punctuation would also strengthen this particular poem, IMO, as there are no enjambments that add layered meanings without the punctuation.
Thank you so much for your feedback, Marie. You don’t even know how much it helps. I just started writing this spring and I am still exploring, trying to learn different things. I surprised myself with how easy poetry comes to me, but I feel I am stuck in this particular form, especially with the rime. I don’t know why it is so hard to step away from that. That’s why I appreciate your advice, I will try to work on that and hopefully improve.
Anytime, Lore. If you would like to workshop any poetry, there is an awesome online forum called Wild Poetry Forum. You can check it out here: http://wildpoetryforum.com/phpBB3/index.php. You may need an introduction to get in, and I will be happy to introduce you to M, who runs the ship. Just email me at mariegail.stratford@gmail.com. I am a little busy over the holidays, so be patient and just remind me if I don’t reply to your email within three or four days.
A great piece on loss. A shame that she isn’t sharing with her support system/community if she has one. Too much of a burden for one person, I imagine.
I had in mind a homeless person, invisible and discarded, just like that garbage in the photo. We never know what stories are hidden under that first impression. Thank you, glad you find your way to my story.
Snow's Fissures and Fractures 
A moving story of loss. Well done.
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Great visions were drawn by your choice of words. Well done.
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Thank you, Alicia.
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Not a poet, but I felt this read equally as well as a story. Nice flow to the words.
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I appreciate the compliment, thank you.
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Sad story, a mother missing her child. You write beautifully!
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Oh my, thank you for your kind words. I am glad you like my writing.
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A sad story, Lore. Beautiful writing, especially “My imaginary you and me,” and the image of the trinkets (I see the rubbish in the photo) hanging on the tree. I really like this one.
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I knew there would be so many murderous or environmental stories, so I looked hard. Once I saw that garbage, I imagined a Christmas tree decorated with it and it all went from there.
Thank you, It means a lot that you caught it all.
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A lovely, sad poem. I’m with Karen^ – the line ‘imaginary you and me’ is a particular treat.
KT
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Thank you, I am very happy with that line, surprised even myself. 🙂
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Dear Loré,
I’m impressed that you wrote a rhyming poem that doesn’t come across as “sing-songy” and manages to tell a story at the same time. Well done.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you, Rochelle. I am impressed that you are impressed.
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Lovely poem, but very sad. I particularly liked the line “My imaginary you and me”. Very well written.
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I am amazed so many people liked that particular line, it is a great compliment. Thank you.
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I think the loss of a child.. a time of the year when it is felt most would be Christmas.. wonderful poetic expression.
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Thank you, this means a lot.
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Dear Lore, I agree with Bjorn, I think Christmas would be the worst holiday to get through after losing a child. Sad poem but well done! Nan 🙂
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Nan, I agree. Christmas can be so wonderful and so sad. Thank you so much.
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oh I understand this well!! Beautifully written and beautiful poetry Lore!
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I know what you mean. Thank you as always, Cybele.
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Dear Lore,
A brave foray from prose into poetry. That it speaks to me tells me that you pulled it off well. Good job.
Aloha,
Doug
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I never liked poetry, but I don’t know what happened this year. I wrote so many poems and am still surprised by things I managed to express.
Thank you so much, Doug. I am glad that you and many others managed to see the story in few short verses.
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Oh dear – so sad – a lost child. My hear bleeds every time I read something like this, and yours in lovely.
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Oh, thank you. I am touched.
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Lore,
This is a sad but sweet poem. Nicely done. I find that formatting poetry here on WordPress can be challenging. For the most part, I like the way this one appears. I would recommend staying away from the old-fashioned form of capitalizing the first letter of every line and stick to standard capitalization instead. Standard punctuation would also strengthen this particular poem, IMO, as there are no enjambments that add layered meanings without the punctuation.
Thanks for sharing this vignette.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thank you so much for your feedback, Marie. You don’t even know how much it helps. I just started writing this spring and I am still exploring, trying to learn different things. I surprised myself with how easy poetry comes to me, but I feel I am stuck in this particular form, especially with the rime. I don’t know why it is so hard to step away from that. That’s why I appreciate your advice, I will try to work on that and hopefully improve.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anytime, Lore. If you would like to workshop any poetry, there is an awesome online forum called Wild Poetry Forum. You can check it out here: http://wildpoetryforum.com/phpBB3/index.php. You may need an introduction to get in, and I will be happy to introduce you to M, who runs the ship. Just email me at mariegail.stratford@gmail.com. I am a little busy over the holidays, so be patient and just remind me if I don’t reply to your email within three or four days.
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Oh, you are very kind. I’ll send you an email after the holidays, no rush.
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Beautiful!
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Thank you so much.
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Lore, Beautiful though sad. A well-written story of great loss and longing. Well done. — Susan
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Thank you, Susan. It was a challenge to write a story in a form of poem. Glad many people think I succeeded.
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Sad and beautiful verse.
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Thank you.
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A great piece on loss. A shame that she isn’t sharing with her support system/community if she has one. Too much of a burden for one person, I imagine.
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I had in mind a homeless person, invisible and discarded, just like that garbage in the photo. We never know what stories are hidden under that first impression. Thank you, glad you find your way to my story.
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