Time for another entry in Friday Fictioneers challenge, courtesy of Rochelle Wissof-Fields. If you want to give it a try, check the info on her blog. 100 words more or less, inspired by a photo, here we go….
Copyright – Björn Rudberg
One of these days the house will fold in on itself. I wish my memories could do the same.
You sang “Hey there, baby, we’ll be fine” and I believed you. With every cut of the knife my belief faltered a little. But you held me close and kissed my ache away.
You said “Look forward to better days ahead” and I tried. But then we lost the battle and I am left with the ashes of your body and our life.
One of these days the house will fold in on itself. I wish it would fold in on me.
It seems I can’t get out of this hole full of sad stories. This week 100 words was just too short to express what I wanted, so for those that need a clarification “With every cut of the knife” is about ongoing operations on a cancer patient.
And I must admit I stole two lines from the song. I’ve been listening to it for days, ever since I watched “The Killing” finale. It happens to me so often, I hear a song and I listen to it until it makes me sick. So, I just had to share it with all of you, it’s such a great song.
Snow's Fissures and Fractures 
Lore,
It was good that you explained that part with the knife – I too was getting a bit confused. I felt a poetic rhythm in your story this week – nice stuff !
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I usually don’t like when you need to explain things, cause I believe if you have to explain it, you didn’t do a good job. But I liked the flow of the story, the repetition of that first line and just couldn’t break that to clarify it a little bit more. Ah, well…this story mirrors my emotions today, I better go fold in somewhere in a dark corner.
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Aww ! take a break and indulge in some happy bites !
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Agree about having to explain stories. Drives me a bit potty when people tell you what the story is about before you’ve even read it.
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That’s why I leave the explanation ( if necessary) after the story. So everyone can read the story and get their own conclusions.
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And thank you so much for your kind words.
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Sad one indeed, Loré. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you, Rochelle. It seems your story pushed me even deeper.
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I’m not sure if I should apologize. 😉 Sad’s not bad.
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No, no, no…It is a good thing. 🙂
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I had to read your story twice for it to all come together, but I did see the knife as cutting out cancer. When the narrator held the ashes I realised it must have been the lover’s cancer and not the narrator’s. I really love stories that open up after they make me think about them, and yours did that in a very satisfying way. So many things to love about this story – the circular movement, the ill but upbeat lover keeping it all together for them (heartbreaking to read), the house folding in on itself like memories. Brilliant story!
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Thank you so, so much. Your words are like a healing balm. I think this is the reason all of us write, trying to express ourselves in a hope we will touch someone.
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The struggle of loosing such a battle.. I love how the song inspired you… I read it as a real battle at first… but to be honest it really doesn’t matter the sorrow after loosing might still be the same….
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The song really hit me hard, I must confess. The battles come in different shapes and sizes, but you are right…the sorrow might be the same.
Thank you, Björn.
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I knew exactly what you meant. I guess it comes from having personal experience with cancer victims in my family. Well written!
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It is a comforting feeling to know someone got it right. I guess I wasn’t that off this week. Thank you so much.
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Yeah most of the FF stories are sad ones 🙂 But you write beautifully!
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It is so much harder to write a truly funny story and I don’t know why is that. We humans must be perpetually depressing beings. Such a shame.
Thank you for your kind words.
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I attempted to differ this time 🙂 I mostly tend to write sad stories myself though!
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There was a lot to think about in this story. And that can only be a good thing. Well done.
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Thank you, Sandra. Both for commenting and returning to me week after week. Much appreciated.
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I do so hope there are better days ahead.
The precision of this one is magnificent. Very well crafted story.
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Thank you so much.
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I, too, was headed toward writing a sad story and pushed myself to break free. With that said, I love reading stories with raw emotion. It was beautifully told. And now the healing…so easy to say, so hard to do.
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Thank you for reading it. Everyone deals with their pain differently.
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The circular momentum of this story really works. Kudos. (As Rochelle said, sometimes sad’s not bad.)
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Thank you, I am glad you liked it.
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The last line bought a lump to my throat.
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Sorry, didn’t mean to. But thank you for sharing your emotions with me.
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Dear me, that is going down…well presented and told. Hamish Gunn
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Thank you, Hamish!
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Deeply sad and emotional piece. I was moved as a reader, well done.
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Thank you so much.
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Very sad and very painfully expressed. The good news is that, once the house folds, new and happy endings begin! Well done, Lore!
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Yes, there are always better days ahead. Thank you!
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That is a very sad story. Thanks for the “knife” explanation!
I loved the last line.
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Thank you so much.
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even if you didn’t explain it, i would’ve liked it still. i felt the struggle and the desperation and i liked the repetition of lines. well done 🙂
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Thank you, I felt I need to leave that little explanation. But in truth, it could have been so many different things.
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Sad is good too! I like the analogy.
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Thank you!
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How curious! I, too, had the word “fold” in my story, “Fold, Unfold,” and the word “fold” recurs in it.
Really liked your story and the mood it created — the heartbreak and suppressed anger of the survivor.
Beautifully narrated.
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Tnx so much, every week I find a story that has similarities with my own. Guess this week it is your story. 😀
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Lore, I was a little confused about the meaning. After I read the comments I wondered why I didn’t catch the meaning at first. Well written story with good expression of sadness. Well done. 🙂 —Susan
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Thank you, Susan. I figured it was vague enough, that’s why I included the explanation.
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A very sad story–thank you for sharing the song, as well. I haven’t heard it before.
Sarah
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You’re welcome and thank you.
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Your protagonist certainly needs something/body to cheer them up.
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She’ll pull through, she always does. Thank you.
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You didn’t need the explanation … I got that it was about surgery and probably cancer. It was an interesting take on the prompt as the house is cut out of a mountainside. It’s a foreign body in the mountainside. Difficult to get to. Difficult to demolish. Your character wishes it would fold in on itself. She has folded in on herself. She wished that the cancer would fold in on itself. A convincing metaphor for a cancer. Well done. 🙂
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Oh my, I think you explained it way better then I ever imagined the story. Thank you so much!
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You win twice in the giving and getting of feedback. Plus, other people see things in your work that you don’t because you’re too close to it. 🙂
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Dear Snow, I really did understand what you meant – at least that was my first thought. With the loss and the ashes – I figured it was cancer and he had an amputation. My goodness – this was good Snow! Thanks, Nan 🙂
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Oh my, you are making me blush, Nan. 😀 Thank you!
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Intriguing take and the idea of the sick patient comforting the physically healthy partner was interesting. Which brings into play the impact such illness can have on the mind of those who have it and their families. Nicely done.
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Unfortunatelly, I know what impact such illness has on the entire family. I wanted to show that cancer patients are not the victims, but fighters…and often they are the ones that provide strenght for others.
Thank you for you observation and your kind words.
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Dear Lore,
I don’t think you should belabor yourself about not being able to get out of the hole full of sad stories. What you should worry about is writing bad stories, though I’m thinking you don’t have to worry about that either. Thanks for adding your imaginative take to the prompt and your great stories to FF.
Aloha,
Doug
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I learned a new word today – belabor. So, thank you for that. And thank you for all the nice words you sent my way, I trully appreciate it. This journey of writing and photography I started few months ago is turning out to be more fun than I hoped it would be.
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I especially liked the opening and closing lines here, and how you managed to make the house a metaphor for the sense of desolation in the character’s life – there was a real ache to it.
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Thank you. I tried to make a full circle with those lines.
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That was achingly sad, actually. Beautifully written.
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Thank you for your lovely words.
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That was excellent. So was the song. well done. Lucy
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Thank you so much.
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Personally I needed no explanation for the cutting. But considering that is still a very recent reality for me it is no wonder. This is a terrific tale. I too would hope to be swallowed up by the house.
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I hope things are better now…one step at the time and all that. Thank you for your kind words.
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